Monday, May 7, 2012

The BIG question.


People make judgments about us, they analyze every move, they come to conclusions about you based on your figure, colour, size, clothes and what not. Why? Can't someone be just someone without being labelled or judged? 

While this problem is faced all over the world, I will definitely share my experiences from Bangalore. Being a healthy plus size person, the looks I sometimes get are unavoidable and disgusting. When you walk into a shop looking for clothes, the shop keeper gives you such a look as if you've asked him to grab the moon for you. Don't we have a right to being well dressed and wearing great clothes. 

Walking into a lingerie shop and looking for bras, I can notice that the helpers there are giggling at you. When you ask for a size they laugh at you like you are an elephant. Why? Doesn't a person have the right to be the way they are without facing constant humiliation from the society. While us 'heavier' people aren't the only ones tortured people on the lighter side face this too. 

Being extra skinny can be really difficult. People ridicule you, torment you and say that you haven't grown. You often have to buy clothes from the kids section and everyone stares at you and you definitely know whats going on in their heads. 'Why is she buying clothes from where I buy them for my kid? Is she nuts?' No you aren't nuts, you are small and there's nothing wrong about it. 

Imagine the condition of that girl with the 'blonde' hair. With so many jokes surrounding her, she if often ridiculed by being called 'dumb' or 'mindless', but who said so? Some random person started the rumour and it became a world wide phenomenon? For all we know, this girl might just be a genius. How can one judge a person by their hair colour? Isn't that unfair in the least?

Being heavy, being lighter is all difficult but who judges what's heavy and what's not. I have often noticed that these people don't have friends, people hesitate to talk to them. Who said being fat is being bad? Everyone has these misconceptions that being friends with them is wrong and that they need to be isolated. Do you know what's behind their size? Do you know if they have a thyroid problem, or if they're trying their best but still unable to lose weight?

While every second someone is frowning at you or calling you names, bothering about it is definitely going to do you harm, no one else. 

At this point, I'd like to bring to light a small confession. Before I started style blogging I was often thrown the question by my own head: 'Do you really want to post your pictures, people might be judging your figure, after all you don't have a size zero?', but then I overcame it and realized that if I kept giving a damn about what everyone thought, I'd just have to sit at home and sleep. We all do face doubts in our head sometimes but overcoming them is the answer. While I am extremely confident of my figure now, I can definitely give the most perfectly figured girl a run for her money when it comes to style and fashion.

Labels are plenty, people to give them are even more plenty. There's something I've noticed in Bangalore which might just be applicable to all around the world. Everyone is waiting to 'label' you. From 'snobby' to 'pretty', be it good or bad, you can't escape the world of being labelled in today's society. 

What amuses me is that, can't someone just be themselves without having a tag added behind their name. Why can't they just be Peter or Lathika? Why do they have to be smart Peter or Skinny Lathika? Is the world turning too cynical wherein criticism is becoming a headache rather than a factor that helps one improve themselves. The funniest, most ironical part is that someone who hardly knows you or hasn't even interacted with you will start judging you. 

Clearly, the saying: 'Don't judge a book by its cover' hasn't gone into anyone's head. I once remember visiting a store at this really hi-fi mall, it was a designer store and I was just looking and admiring the designs, I din't even ask the person in charge for a size and I heard her whispering to her fellow colleague: 'Look at her all dressed up, she's so fat, she doesn't realize she can't dress up?'. While I almost felt like walking upto her and giving her a piece of my mind, I decided against it because some people truly can't be changed. Instead I took their feedback form and scribbled: 'You definitely need a new set of employees at your store, because if you retain the same ones you aren't going to be making any profit' and luckily enough the girl was not at the store the next time I went around. 

I have had zillion experiences in this forte and I can even write an entire book on it, but I do realize that I'm not the only one out there being faced by these problems. There are millions of people facing the same issues everyday. The next time anyone judges or labels you, you have to turn back and tell them to shut up or do what I did.

The BIG question is: Are there any humans left out there, who aren't being cynical critics, or aren't judging you by your hair colour or dress size? 


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  1. We cannot even begin to tell you how much we relate!
    It's been happening with me (Rachana) all the time! If I go to a store they instantly start taking me towards the boring kurtas... it's like they feel I should not dress in anything else!
    I used to feel sad about it before but i've gotten over it now! I buy exactly what I like even though i know i'm going to get these mean 'this can be worn only by thin gals' comments by family and others!
    Who cares as long as we know we are rocking our style, right? ;)

  2. I totally get what you're saying. I've always been a pint-sized tiny little thing and its only in the recent few years that I've gotten used to it. All through my childhood, there were always these mutters ans snickers about how short she is and the taunts that come with it.
    Stuff like that hardens you though. We will never be able to completely be free of judgmental people but what we can do is improve on ourselves and toughen up.

  3. *apllaud* ... You know, i'm shamlessley gonna admit that initially when i landed on your blog, i was like 'omgggg! She's so heavy and yet she's a fashion blogger' and then slowly i started ignoring the 'weight' part of it and looked at ur sense of style and fashion and your li'l everyday stories and i have been hooked ever since!.. I used to be on the heavier side and somehow pushed myself to get into a healthier frame which suited my height.. Not jus because the society judged me on being a fat kid.. I'm so friggin glad you wrote about this.. :) matter what, you can never please anyone but yourself and be happy :) people will always judge and talk.. Mwah!

  4. Sonshu,

    I strongly feel that people who are shallow themselves are judgemental about others.

    Take care

  5. Hello my darling Sonshu. First of all, before I respond to the question that you have posed, I want to say: Thank the heavens that you overcame those questions within you that made you doubt yourself before you got onto fashion blogging. Because you're a gem, and all of us know that all too well.

    Now to answer your question, I'm going to say that there probably isn't going to be anyone who doesn't judge. There are going to be people who try their very best not to, but it's in the inherent human nature to judge, and be judged in return. I don't know what that speaks of us, but that is how it is. And what do we do? We ignore those who judge, and get on with life.

    We only have one life. Might as well live it with the guns blazing, no?

    Love, Miffalicious. []

  6. Its s nice that you could overcome it.. I know so many who haven't. I really do wish people didn't judge..but they do and we have to deal with them and not let them get away with it!

  7. Great my dear Sonshu...You took this up graciously. Glad to read everyone's comments. Style and fashion are your own perspective. Let others judge, we are gonna go our own way :)

    Help me choose my next summer dress...New post up

  8. There are certainly people out there who won't judge, but it's always easier to remember the people who do judge because they seem to stand out. I'm glad you decided to do a blog and show your pictures because you are free to be you. And if someone doesn't like it then they should just stop visiting your blog. I like you so I'll keep visiting, of course. :)

  9. i am a size 14/16..i live in calcutta..but i have never faced this you know..except once but that woman just seemed rude and kept doing that to everyone in the was actually funny..wanna hear some thing stupid? i recently have been hearing this from one relative(talk about mental myopia) i won't get a guy if i don't lose weight.her own son is obese morbidly so..that is a form of sexism also...just ignore and shut these people up by "wtf" looks or saying "that's not true for educated people" or "have some brains" with a caustic smile ...
    i want to follow you now..found you via infb:)

  10. @chp_dzn: So glad to have found someone who agrees with me. DEFINITELY. :)

  11. @Sunkissed: Yes I agree, there's always going to be such people. We gotta toughen up. Well said.

  12. @Viya: Aawww, you did? See I knew people think like that, but im sure now you dont! Really glad.

  13. @Jack: Yes uncle, completely with you on that.

  14. @Miffalicious: Aawww, that's such a sweet comment. You people keep me going. TRULY.

    Anyhoo, thanks a ton.

  15. @IdoIdo: What's with the sigh?

  16. @Sayantanii: Yes, that's really important.

  17. @SBN: You are very sweet Shalini, thanks a ton.

  18. @songbird: Yeah, some cities people dont really face it. Anyhow, thanks a lot for the follow.

  19. @Cheryl: Yeah, if someone doesn't like something its their loss.

    Thank you so much, you were indeed one of the people who inspired me.

  20. You know why I hate shopping Sonshu? Coz people stare and half time toh I never find clothes in my size and it's embarrassing to say the least.
    I can't even walk down the road without people looking and me going all 'omg omg. i want to dig a hole and burrow myself' all the time.
    You're curvy, but a curvy who looks effing fabulous in clothes! M not, sadly.

  21. @Blah: Aaawww, don't give a damn about them. You are beautiful, nothing changes that.